Hiatus.

Due to my crippling incapacity for sane, logical though, I will be taking a break from my blog for a little while. Maybe I'll come back when this stuff is sorted out.

Uneducated Thoughts: The Female Gives Up Politics For Lent

Hey guys.
I'm just going to start this one out by saying
I don't care.
Now, don't immediately think I have become apathetic about my life.
Or have been totally reborn as a nihilist.
No.
I'm just giving up on trying to care about politics.
Now, I know, I know.
It's my country.
It's other peoples countries.
Its the way the world goes and I should participate in making it an ultimately better place.
But
let's face it.
I'm no feminist.
I wish I were a guys sometimes, not because I'm attracted to girls or anything,
but because I just respect guys more.
And I know, that's such an awful, heteronormative, gender-normy thing.
But I just don't care anymore.
Almost all of the people I look up to are guys.
(I'll admit, they aren't the manliest men in the world, but they're people that I honestly respect)
-
I read an article in the paper a little while ago
about how it's weirder to see a young boy wearing dresses than a young girl wearing guys clothing
because we still see girls as the lesser gender.
So why would a boy want to become weaker?
I just thought I should share that.
-
Speaking of the paper!
I can't even read it anymore.
I used to really enjoy it,
but now all I read is the film reviews, because that's the only escape from.
"Blahblahblah Barack Obama blahblahblah guns blahblahblah massacre"
It's all so depressing.
-
Additionally,
(because I'm just gonna spill my guts out all over this post)
I've become so sick of listening.
I mean, sure, I'm still open to listen and help when it's needed.
But I have been feeling so ready to just give that up,,
so willing to force my opinions onto others.
It's kind of a shame.
I feel so selfish.
-
I've been wanting an old instant film camera aLOT lately.
(Maybe inspired by this old video I found hanging around on the internet)
But I'm not willing to pay hundreds of dollars for it.
I've been looking in antique stores for one, but I haven't found one yet.
-
I've been doing a lot of art as well.
It's a really good way to get your mind off of things.

It's a quote from a
Driftless Pony Club song.

I made this one an hour ago.
And I drew this last night when I couldn't sleep.

(It says 'calm.')

It's really an enjoyable pastime, and it's something I'd love to incorporate into my future.
-
Um. Well.
That's all I have for you this week.
Check out my youtube for more videos.
See ya.

Bye.

Uneducated Thoughts: Sunday Anxiety Haircut

Hey guys.

It's Sunday again.
And you know what that means.
School begins again tomorrow.
And you know what that means.
I'm terrified.
-
Okay, honestly, I'm not really scared of attending school.
Oh no, it's not fear that dominates my emotions every Sunday.
It's pure, uninterrupted loathing.
(And, okay, a little bit of fear)
This loathing is largely due to the fact that I hate school, I don't really like anyone at school, and at school I'm forced to do all sorts of things I don't particularly enjoy.
(Like hand-write quickly, and talk to people, and math)
-
I'm seeing a counselor soon.
I'm kind of worried it won't work.
I've just been focused on my problems for a while now,
what if they don't count?
Above all else, I'm scared that this will all end up being an elaborate hoax created by my brain to get attention.
I just...
I don't know.
I'm scared.
I don't want the therapy to not work, and I don't want my problems to be much more mild than I think they are.
-
I'm getting a haircut on Wednesday.
FINALLY.
I'm going to do something a little bit different.
Not so many bangs on the forehead.
-
I feel...Kind of frustrated.
With myself.
I feel like I'm such a sad, pitiful little person.
Dwelling on my issues.
Worrying.
Doubting myself.
Regretting past decisions.
Loathing most parts of myself.
Wishing I had someone to talk to.
Who the hell wants to be friends with that kind of person, y'know?
-
Oh well.


Bye.

Uneducated Thoughts: I Don't Know What to Put Here Today

As I write this, I'm listening to music.
Just, in general.
Music.
No specifications here.
-
I wrote some poems a little while ago.
Most of them are about me
I kind of like them.
They've got a weird rhythm to them
-
I'm having some trouble typing today.
Lots of typos.
It's a little nerve-wracking.
-
It's finally Winter Break!
WOO!
NO MORE SCHOOL!
-
Honestly, though, it really is nice to have a Sunday where my whole day isn't spent going "Oh god, school tomorrow. Man, I hate school. I hate school"
-
I don't know what to say.
Maybe I have too much to say.
Maybe not enough.
I don't know.

Please comment.


Bye.

I Feel Numb

I hate feeling numb.

I Never Want To Let Go of This

So,
I've
been
thinking.
-
Those were all links to videos.
And, sometimes, watching videos makes me think about my future.
I have dreams for my future, y'know.
They might be different from other people's dreams, though.
Everyone has different dreams.
I'd like to have a successful future.
Living in a biggish apartment or small home by myself.
Most likely with a cat.
I don't think much about other people in my life.
I mean, maybe I do.
But I don't think it's like others at my school.
They all want boyfriends and girlfriends and marriages.
I just....
I don't really care.
-
I've been okay though.
Not excited for school tomorrow,
but Christmas break is coming up.
That should be fun.
A friend might come over and hang out.
I hope we have fun.
-
Sometimes I wish I was sick, just so I could miss school.
Which is sad.
I know I should enjoy being young.
But I honestly just want to get out of school.
Of course, after highschool there's college.
College is the only part of school I've ever heard was fun.
I don't know.
It's' school, but you have to stay in a dorm with people you don't know.
And I've heard that people in college don't have very good hygiene.
Great.
-
I really hope this doesn't pass.
I love making videos and doing art and stuff.
And every time I think about my dream future I just get so happy.
I want that to happen.
I don't want this whole video thing to be 'just a phase'
because I feel like it isn't.
I feel like it's my passion.
-
Well, those were my thoughts.
See you again on Wednesday.

Bye.

Uneducated Thoughts: I Want To Dance Like Bobby Birdman (When I Should Be Doing My Homework)

Hey guys.
It's me.
-
So, today I tried to work on a school project.
But, of course, with the internet being the giant web of information it is I got distracted.
Really distracted.
-
So yeah, soon I was watching videos of YACHT concerts and DPC tours.
I have no idea why my distraction took such a musical turn.
Have you guys ever seen Bobby Birdman dance?
It's kind of fantastic...

I just spent way too much of my day watching that.
DON'T JUDGE ME, HIS HIPS ARE MESMERIZING!
(Actually, not really. It's really more his knees.... And the hair flipping...
Okay, let's move on)
-
So!
New art video soon!
(By soon I mean as soon as I have it done.)
And maybe a new sound conglomeration.
Who knows how much I can get done.
-
In other news, I'll be going up to New Hampshire this Wednesday.
Yay, eight hour (or longer) drives!
Seriously, though, guys, I'm wicked excited.
If any of my New England familia is reading this, I'll be seein' ya'll there!
-
You know, I don't take enough time to acknowledge how much I love doing this.
If anyone at all is reading this, thank you so much.
It thrills me that I'm able to write multiple groups of short sentences about something no one really cares about.
Honestly, this is my light.
So, thanks, for that.
-
IN OTHER NEWS.
I have to run tomorrow.
Yayy, running.
I hate running around outside.
Last time I was practically dying after, like, a few feet.
I feel like I really want to exercise, but running is so intimidating.
Can't I, like, jog.
Slowly.
On a treadmill?
(Or one of those bike thingies, then you get to SIT!)
I'd totally start paying attention in gym class!
-
Well, in case you can't tell, I'm in a pretty good mood right now.
I don't know what it is, but I just feel good.
Not super great, just.
Good.
-
Hey, I took a picture of a light!
(That thing up there's a link)
Yeah, I quite like it.
So, you know.
You can see that.
If you'd like.
-
I suppose that's all I have for you know.
See you all on Tuesday. (Videoing early because I won't be here wednesday)
Probably no Uneducated Thoughts on Sunday, since I'll be in NH.
Sorry!



Bye.